I'm not pregnant, I'm just thirsty.

My last post was from last night. I guess i fell asleep typing it. i'm not going to worry about capitalizing my "i"s. k?

I went into a fur store today. we walked into this tiny room with a man at a desk, and he asked "how may i help you?" and my friend said "we just wanna look at the furs." lol so he unlocked the chamber of furs for us to go into. its was beautiful. i hate to say it. the dyed fur was sad cause it looked trashy and fake and why kill an animal to make a real fur coat that looks like a fake one? there was this beautiful trench with this huge fur collar, that if popped, would tower 2 feet behind me! the man appeared out of nowhere to breath on us, "can i help you find something?" i replied, "I'm looking for a cloak. A long cloak, preferably black, either completely fur or just rimmed with it." haha. the man didn't say anything!! he just stood there. like, he looked around but remained totally silent. i made some small talk wih-my freeind and dismissed ourselves with stern departing dialog.

stupid.

At work yesterday, i greeted this fat old hoodrat who (ONE) ignored me. I was done with him. My manager made notion for me to talk to him so i asked him if he was looking for anything particular in a casual man to man kind of way. He belched. (TWO) He belched a nasty ass gargley ass loud ass vomit ass belch. Then walked away.

Like Swear to Gaga, rude. It was disgusting. and rude.

"it was rude, well, forget it."

Living Happily Ever

So this guy i know proposed to this girl i know on friday night. For operation proposal, we decorated a bandshell with rose petals and candles and set his guitar and a rose center stage. A cop went power hung' and threatened to arrest us if we didn't leave immediately. The boys gave him a chill pill and we quickly lit the candles for the scene. A shit tons of their schoolmates and friends came and hid in this park with us and the moment his videographer sister reported the princess said yes, we all cheered and screamed and ran down this hill like crazies to congratulate the surprised fiancé! wonderfully perfect! simply incredible.

honestly, i'm scared. i'm afraid i'll be stuck at home until my grandma's gone, and even then, i'll still feel terrible leaving my mom alone. i don't know what i'm doing about school. i'm completely proactive in the journey, but completely indecisive and poor. in fact, i don't think i can be happy until i stop obsessing over a certain someone. i can't think of how. i'll always wonder why i'm not -

i'll get lost going there.

I don't own a weave but i flip it like a diva.

I'm going to pick up my dad's dog. a dog is a man's best friend, and i want to chill with the dog. i like dogs. yeah i keep it like a secret. early in high school i was liberated with my love for canines and in turn was brutally teased and accused of beastiality. by my preteen besties. rough. ruff! ;D

k that's gay. but not like retarded.

everyone should stop saying "retarded" and take a lesson from Wanda Sykes.

I think the westside of cincinnati is disgusting. never come here unless the government moves you here. Today i was oh so trending down glenwayy avenuee singing along with my oh so chic roison murphey music playing, when i suddenly become the bus stop freeak show. like, i wasn't actin crazy. I guess i just look weird. or maybe people were looking at the bong on my dashboard... whatever. this huge truck pulls up next to me with a fucking confederate flag decal-ed to the back window hatch thing, with a bumper sticker that said, "let's take our country back." like wtf? go back to versailles indiana where no one will see your trash. I hate the confederate flag. like it might as well be a fucking swastika. southern pride? antebellum roots? fuck it. like, i'm half german but i don't heil hitler. The confederate flag is a symbol of racism and inequality. so... get with the times people. If i had balls i would start a new graffiti movement involving glitter. I'd of already covered the local streets signs with sparkle, but the idea of going to jail for gluing glitter to a crosswalk is just sooooooo ridiculous. but something i'd be proud to stand in court for! i'll say i'm doing it for equality. and making cincinnati beautiful.

Late night thinkings and happenings.

i don't feel like talking to anybody right now.

i don't like to be rude. even when its honestly what i want.
do i need to learn to do things i don't want to? or do i need to be assertive and deal with the consequences? there is only one person i know that i would be interested in talking to right now. its interesting how particular people are more appealing to be around in particular moods and contexts. I don't like "going out" to meet guys. that's weirdt. i also do not enjoy talking to guys online. like i do, but i hate not having a damn thing to talk about.

hey man whats up

-hi! not muchh. you?

just chillin watching some tv and winding down
how are you tonight man

-tiredd. i had a long evening. how are you?

good good. getting tired. ha

-have we met in person before?

-lol

i dont believe so

sorry to bother you i suppose

-lol what? you're fine
oh- i thought maybe that was my cue to leave you alone
-haha. nope. what do you wanna talk about?
idk im open for discussion
-gaga.

i'm bored. i don't care. tonight at work i decided i'll be pushing the blue shorts. i just want to see how many people i can get to buy blue shorts. lol

so what do you do?

3:06am

i work, kinda go to school, and do a lot of other stuffff

3:06am

cool

kinda go to school?

lol

3:18am

haha yeah.

what do you do?

3:19am

school work's my biggest thing

oh. what? that's good. 3:23am

3:23am

school and work play the largest part in my life

i don't know if i want kids. I have a slight desire to procreate but if i had a kid i might as well adopt a child. but do i really want to split MY life and raise another human being? i feel i might just want a family because i feel it fights the idea that being gay kills the american dream. do i want the american dream? i have so much to consider.

yep yep

so how are you kinda in school

haha

3:27am

it's comlicated. i'm in the process of transferrig

3:28am

cool from where to where

3:32am

i don't know. do you think i'm cute?

3:32am

yes sir

i don't know what i'm going to do about schooooolllll...

This is a story about Anthony.

Anthony, a young and frail homosexual, stumbles out of his garage lugging a floral print Jordache carpet bag, adjusting his broken sunglasses to shade his sensitive eyes from the afternoon sun. Getting situated in the front seat of his smoky 1995 Spirit, Anthony drowns the sound of chirping birds with "Fuck you very much" by Lilly Allen with his broken radio, held together by a lighter and dimes. Lighting a cigarette, Anthony takes notice of a parade of elementary school children heading straight to the sidewalk at the end of his driveway. Quickly backing out before the train, Anthony notices two more groups of children infesting the neighborhood. Proudly blaring "fuck you" in front of innocence, Anthony rolls past the school to see a woman helping a hobbling crippled child try to get her walker over the curb. With an ash of his dash, Anthony sighed away to puzzle through traffic.

I just wanna make out. what?

I am awake early today because i agreed to take my best boy friend to school across the river this morning for no personal gain or reason. I'm content with the moment and will be going to the gym in a bit with my best girl friend/baughtch, very... tiReD. It is an absolutely prescious day in the methodist's ghettos of garbage-green township's Bridgetown. It's a fucking shit they won't fix the fucking potholes. I'm hyphy, ain't cryin but about to hit that bitch witta bottle heyyyy.

I want to talk about .::*JeWlErY!!*::. - just kidding.-

this is a scene from yesterday that does not show me in a good light:

Me-"I want a donut"

Girl-"FRUIT DONUT."

Me:"Grandma, don't you want some DouGH NuTsss?"

Grandma-"Hey! Yeah i would!"

Me"Yeah? You do want donuts!"

Girl-"That's right."

Grandma-"I'll give you the money, go get what you want!"

Me-"Thanks grandma! (That a girl!)"

HAHAHA! I feel terrible. I hate it. I hope manipulation isn't too heavy on karma. I wanted a fucking blueberry fruit donut, a fucking chocolate ass donut, and when i got there i decided i also wanted a fucking spring sprinkled chocolate iced glazed donut! and i had cake, and double chocolate chip ice cream. Chocolate makes you feel loved. Its like a fact. hfelsie fhewku wyeiwWFEVuweifkw. I'm sorry. those words were products of my fingers slipping on my tears on the keyboard.

thoughts and aggravations dealing with style

Here's the deal with what I think about: Style.

I don't like "fashion dos and don'ts" because they set limitations. Just because some clothing doesn't 'flatter your figure,' it DOESN'T mean you shouldn't wear it. But by wear it, i mean wErk it. I think the only reason to follow stylists' "rules" is to always look attractive. And that's arrogant and slutty. It's fun to play with shapes and silhouettes and to be an object of interest rather than attraction. I believe personal style should be open to less beautiful expressions in order to truly grasp the reflection of the creator.

Which brings me to mall stores.

I work at a chain mall store and absolutely love the seasons I've seen. I personally don't wear much of the brand's clothing. Most of the customers I've interacted with are high schooler's and frat boys' moms. The clothes that never see the clearance rack are all soooo safe to me. I feel major chain stores rule over a lot of young people's personal fashion identity. It's like organized religion; exclusive and constricting. ;D A person's image carries a story. When a brand can sell its name on a cracker, i feel the consumer is forced to wear what the company can get away with. I respect people who shop at second hand stores and independent boutiques because i feel the outlet of expression and physical personality is a lot more divergent and practical.

I want to look like a bad boy. I think.

But like, the kid who can get away with being naughty.

Like the stoned Ke$ha. grody, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

When i get to fashion school i'm sure i'll be called gaudy or tacky. At least once.

:/ & :) I wanna work for haus of gaga.